What to Do When Someone Dies, A Step-by-Step Guide
Someone has died and you need to know what to do. Here it is, in order.
You don’t need to remember everything on this page. You can call us at any time, day or night, and we’ll walk you through it.
Take care of yourself first
The most important thing to do is to look after yourself first. Sit with someone you trust.
There is no right way to feel. You are not expected to be strong or organised.
In the first few hours, it is fine to:
Nothing has to happen in the next hour. You do not need to rush.
What to do, depending on where the death happened
Staff will arrange for a doctor to complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. That has to be done before anyone can be moved.
Once it is done, call us on (04) 385 0745. We’ll agree a time with you to bring the person who died into our care. There is no hurry on that time. It can be within the hour or it can be tomorrow morning.
You are welcome to be there to meet us when we arrive, but you do not have to be.
1. Call their GP or palliative care doctor. A doctor has to attend and complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death.
2. Call us on (04) 385 0745. Any hour. We’ll talk you through what happens next.
3. Tell close family. Or ask someone else to make those calls for you.
Many families want time at home first, and we will support that wherever health and legal requirements allow. After they come into our care, we will also make time for your family at our Willis Street or Johnsonville chapel, for as long as you need.
Call 111. The police and the coroner will be involved, and in these circumstances that is normal and expected.
The person who died goes into the coroner’s care so the cause of death can be determined. This can take time. The Coroner’s Office will keep the next of kin updated.
Once they are released, we bring them into our care and take you through the next steps. You can call us before then, on (04) 385 0745. Most families do, and there is plenty we can start on while you wait.
Cultural and religious considerations
At our first meeting, we will ask about your family’s protocols, religious requirements, timing, important rituals and who should be part of the decisions. We will shape the arrangements around those needs.
For Māori whānau, that can mean a tangihanga, whānau remaining alongside the tūpāpaku (the person who has died) throughout, and karakia and waiata at every stage. We’ll work to your marae’s timing.
We know that it is important for whānau to stay close to their tūpāpaku and we will do everything we can to enable this. There are times when it isn’t possible to have whānau nearby, due to health and safety or other legal requirements, but we will always try to find a compromise and will return the tūpāpaku to their whānau as soon as possible.
For Muslim families, burial is usually needed quickly. Call us early and we’ll move at that pace.
For Jewish families, including members of Temple Sinai, we understand ritual washing and dressing, and who needs to carry it out.
For Pasifika families, we make room for extended family and for grieving together.
We look after families from every community in Wellington. Our funeral directors will listen carefully, work alongside your family and community leaders, and make sure important practices are understood.
What happens next
1. We bring them into our care.
At a time that works for you, day or night.
2. We meet.
Usually the same day or the next. We call it the arrangement. It is where we go through your options, the paperwork and the costs. Nothing is decided before you are ready.
3. You choose burial, cremation or natural burial.
And where the funeral will be: our chapel, a church, a marae, your home, or somewhere that mattered to them.
4. We do the paperwork.
All of it, including registering the death with the Department of Internal Affairs. You do not need to do that part yourself.
5. The funeral.
Usually within about seven days, though it can be later if family are travelling or if your cultural practice calls for different timing.
Throughout these arrangements, we will make sure your family has opportunities to spend time with them whenever you need to.
A checklist for the first few days
Straight away
Within the first day
Within the first few days
In the weeks after
Start with one phone call
You do not need to have worked anything out before you call. We will listen, explain what happens next and guide you through each step.
(04) 385 0745, any time, day or night.