Personalising Your Funeral
Families often assume a funeral has a fixed shape, and that their job is to fill in the gaps. It does not, and it is not.
No two services we arrange are the same. You choose the music, the words, the room, who speaks, what they wear, who carries them, and where all of it happens. Some of those will matter enormously to you and some will not matter at all. Both of those are fine.
This page is a list of what is possible, not a list of decisions waiting for you. Most families use three or four of these ideas and leave the rest alone. Ring us on (04) 385 0745 and we will work out which three or four are yours.
Music
Music can shape the feeling of a service. You might choose recorded tracks, live musicians, a choir, a familiar hymn or one person with a guitar. We will coordinate the sound and technical details so each piece is heard as intended.
If you want a starting point, three pieces is a comfortable number. One as people arrive, one in the middle, and one as everyone leaves.
Both our chapels have sound built in. At Willis Street it runs through the chapel, the lounge, the reflection rooms and outside, so people standing near the carpark still hear everything. Johnsonville runs through the chapel and the lounge next door. There are lecterns and microphones at both, and someone from our team on the desk throughout.
The words, and who says them
You can have your own celebrant or your own minister. If you do not have one, we will recommend someone who suits the kind of service you want.
A service can be religious, non-religious or a thoughtful combination of both. We can recommend a celebrant or faith leader whose approach suits your family.
Anyone can speak. Family, friends, workmates, grandchildren. There can be one eulogy or six short tributes. If someone is uncertain about speaking on the day, we can help arrange a second reader so they feel supported.
We design and print the order of service ourselves, so the wording, the photographs and the layout are yours rather than a template. Memorial books are the same.
Where the service happens
Our Willis Street chapel seats 110, with room for another 50 standing in the lounge next door. Johnsonville seats 130, with room for about 120 standing. Both are pet friendly.
A service does not have to be at a chapel. A church, a marae, a garden, a sports club, a beach, a hall, or the house they lived in. Home and outdoor services take more planning, and they are entirely possible. Tell us where, and we will handle the booking, the seating, the sound and the timing. [TBC: what a home or outdoor service needs, and how much notice]
Both chapels have three cameras built in, at different angles, so a service can be livestreamed and recorded without a camera operator standing in the aisle. The link is private. Family overseas can watch it live or later, as many times as they want. At other venues we work with people we have used before.
Flowers
A single arrangement on the casket, flowers from every family group, or none at all. Some families ask for donations to a charity instead, and say so on the notice.
Afterwards you have three choices, and there is no wrong one. Take them home, leave them at the cemetery, or let us take them to a rest home so somebody else gets a fortnight out of them. Most families do not know that last option exists until we mention it.
Transport
A hearse carries them, and we can arrange additional vehicles for the family so nobody is working out parking on the morning.
If you would rather carry them yourselves, or use a vehicle that meant something to them, ask us. [TBC: which vehicles Lychgate can arrange]
What goes with them
Families often place things in the casket, and it is welcome rather than unusual. Letters, photographs, drawings from grandchildren, a favourite jumper, a football scarf.
Clothing is your choice entirely. Their own clothes, something formal, something they were comfortable in. Jewellery, glasses and taonga can stay with them, or come back to you, whichever you prefer.
There are two restrictions, and only for cremation: no batteries, and no large pieces of glass. We will tell you if something you have brought falls into either.
Cultural and religious traditions
Our team has arranged funerals with Māori, Pasifika, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Christian, Chinese and Filipino families in Wellington.
That means karakia and waiata, prayers, scripture, washing and dressing, particular timings, particular directions, and rituals we will follow rather than adapt. Tikanga, where it applies, sits at the centre of what happens and not at the edges of it.
Early in the arrangements, we will ask about the traditions and timings that matter to your family. This gives us time to coordinate every part of the service with care. [TBC: cultural review and final sign-off]
What you keep
Keepsakes are the part families think about last and are usually glad they thought about at all. Fingerprint jewellery, memorial candles, photo books, jewellery that holds a small amount of ashes, memory bears made from their clothes, and framed prints.
Ashes can be divided between family members, kept, scattered, or interred. If you want them moved into a different urn later, we have a facility for it and we do not charge, even if the funeral was not ours.
Some families plant a tree. In our natural burial areas the location is registered by GPS and a native tree can go in above.
There are more unusual options too. Memorial art such as a painting, a sculpture or a touchstone, ashes mixed into soil for planting, memorial reefs, tribute fireworks, and memorials sent into space. [TBC: which of these tributes Lychgate arranges, and through whom]
We will help you create a fitting service
You do not need to arrive with a plan. We will listen to the stories and details that made them who they were, then help shape those memories into a fitting service.